The lights are up, Mariah’s on the radio, and turkey sandwiches with stuffing and cranberry sauce are back on the menu at Greggs. That can only mean one thing: Christmas is just around the corner, and boy are we excited for it.
But at this most wonderful time of the year, spare a thought for poor old Father Christmas - and his bank balance. Sure he loves his job, and the perks are pretty great (a flying sleigh isn’t bad as company cars go), but have you ever considered just how much it costs Santa to spread Christmas cheer to 7.5 billion people?
Those toys don’t make themselves, and the elves need paying; then there’s all that reindeer feed, and the veterinary bills; sleigh insurance and maintenance costs. Not to mention a present for Mrs Claus - and a good one at that, to make up for all those extra hours spent at the office in the last month.
Our elf on the inside has provided Expert Market with a copy of the ledgers for Lapland Inc., and we’re sorry to say that they make for grim reading…
|What?||Why?||How Much?||What?||Why?||How Much?|
|Reindeer Upkeep||Feed, veterinary care and reindeer |
related farm maintenance costs
|£17,862||Image Rights||Ronaldo makes £190m from sponsorships |
and has 122m FB fans. 2.3Bn Christians
make Santa's image rights worth 18.7x more than Ronaldo's
|Sleigh Maintenance||Based on abogo.cnt.org estimates||£823||Surplus Cookies & Milk Sales||25% of children leave 2 cookies & 1/4 |
pint of milk for Santa, deduct the
elves & Claus' daily consumption & sell leftovers to Tesco RRP
|Sleigh Insurance||Based on supercar insurance||£9,311||Recycles Christmas Lists||(1 A4 Xmas list per child x weight of A4 paper)|
x recycling price per tonne of paper
|Elf Wages||Median salary in Lapland x 3,000 elves||£91m||Lapland Winter Tourism||Winter profit per tourist x number of tourists|
Nov - Jan
|Elf Pensions / Insurance||Worth additional 20% of overall salary||£18m||Studding Reindeer||Champion racehorse annual stud profit x|
|Cost of Toy Manufacture||(UK average Xmas spend per child x worldwide|
Christian children u14) / 8 to change RRP into
|£13.3Bn||Airbnb Spare Rooms||(Average Lapland Airbnb price per night |
x 353 days per year) x Finnish average people
per house x Father Christmas' Grotto m2 /
average Finnish domicile m2
|Lapland Annual Average Cost of Basic Living||(Average Finnish rent + basic groceries + utilities)|
x 12 months
|Mrs Claus (CEO of Lapland Inc)||Average salary for Finnish CEO||£85,154|
|TOTAL OUTGOINGS PER YEAR||£13,409,132,260||TOTAL INCOMINGS PER YEAR||£5,018,233,784|
|LOSS OF||£ - 8,390,898,476|
Needless to say, with a shortfall of nearly eight and a half billion pounds, the Santa business model is unlikely to impress the likes of Lord Sugar.
Don’t worry though, even bailiffs love Christmas - so it’s safe to say Santa will be squeezing his jiggling jelly belly down our chimneys for many years to come.
Merry Christmas from Expert Market!
Disclaimer: Estimates are fictitious. Expert Market does not really have an “elf on the inside”. Santa Claus was not available for comment.